One New Year's Resolution You Can Actually Keep

In 2001, I made a resolution never to make resolutions again.  It's the only one I've ever kept.  After years of going through the ritual, I realized that they're a waste of time... simply a list of shoulds.

First of all, we don't keep them.  Think of all the gym membership cards that gather dust by February.  

Second, we make excuses for not keeping them, if we remember them at all. That was so long ago...

And third, if we keep them just because they're resolutions, we really don't want to... and eventually, won't.  You know it's true.

Here's scientific proof, Part I:  It's only January 4th, and you've probably already forgotten what you promised the world a mere four days ago.  Either that, or chalked it up to eating too much over the holidays... but now it's under control, right?

So why bother?  If you want to make a change, it doesn't work if it's simply calendar-related; changes occur because of genuine motivation (positive or negative).

Change is ongoing.  It's also called learning, growing, evolving.  Like Woody Allen's shark, it must keep moving or it dies.  This is true on both personal and professional levels.

Here's scientific proof, Part II:  How'd you do on your resolutions for 2013?  What's that, you say?  You don't even remember what they were, much less making them?  

Despite best intentions, chances are, resolutions were kept for a few weeks when convenient, then conveniently forgotten. There are exceptions, of course, but I'll bet not many.

So this year, do yourself a favor.  Liberate yourself with the last resolution you'll ever make... and the only one you can actually keep!

And now, on to 2014...

-Ed Roth
edrothshow@gmail.com

Raising a Strong Daughter in 2014

I've been a writer, producer and bad trombone player, but want to know about my current job?

For the past 19 years, I've been the father of a gorgeous, smart and talented young woman. 

With sons like these, my poor mother should have ended up in Bellevue.

I'm as proud of my daughter as (I hope) you are of your kids, but I'm still learning how to do it as I go.  To start, you need to know that I grew up in a family of boys (three to be exact) and the biggest kid of all...my dad.  My poor mother never had a chance--hockey, baseball, basketball, football,  Add the fact that I have no aunts, uncles or cousins and didn't have a lot of women in my life growing up.

Fast forward to the day Gillian was born.  The best day of my life (hey, you thought I was going to say it was the day I bought my Prius?).  Like most of you who are parents, a day hasn't gone by that I haven't worried or wondered about the best way to raise her. 

Every day, I sweat how to raise a little red-headed girl to be a woman of strength and character.

Let me call on a real expert--Dr. Linda Nielsen, a professor of adolescent and educational psychology at Wake Forest University.   Dr. Nielsen suggests that dads focus on the "M & Ms" of raising daughters--men, money, mother, meaning and Myths & misconceptions.

MEN
Teach your daughter that it's OK to express and be assertive about her opinions and her needs.  Make sure you're there for her when she's upset.  Most of all, teach her to be herself, showing appreciation for her talent who she is.  Most of all, get her to communicate directly with the men in her life, not necessarily through her mother and other women.

MONEY
Teach her how to be self-reliant and grow up without believing that any man is the key to avoiding financial hardships.  Help her gain freedom and confidences to make wiser choices.

MOTHER
She loves her mom more than anyone can measure, but make sure you get your alone time with her.  Give her the gift of you, and use your time to teach her things she needs to know.

MEANING
Encourage meaningful personal conversations with you.  She needs to give dad the chance to develop the same meaningful relationship with you as with her mom. 

MYTHS AND MISCONCEPTIONS
Let go of the myths about men.  Show her that men do talk about personal issues, how we can be empathetic and nurturing, communicating well.  We do love our daughters as much as women.

Since 1990, Dr. Nielsen has taught a course called "Fathers & Daughters" at Wake Forest, the only course of its kind in the U.S.

And so my terror began on an overcast November day in Chicago.

It's been 19 years now, and I wish I knew how the final portrait of her life will look.   But raising a self-reliant and confident young woman is a job I take seriously.  My life has taken a few bumps along the way, but I'm always aware that how I handle things is setting an example for my little girl.

I'm not sure if I'm the perfect dad (she's our only child and is away at college in NYC most of the year), but I hope you believe that being a parent is the best job in the world, because it is.

She may not say anything, but I know she's watching.  So, set a great example and keep talking to your daughter, because the way you treat women is how she will expect to be treated in her life.

Let's make 2014 a great one for all the women in our lives. They deserve it.

Happy New Year to you all.

--Rich Brase
redrich24@gmail.com